my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

~ Evanescence - "My Immortal"

How can you see into my eyes
like open doors.
Leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb.
Without a soul
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home.

(Wake me up.
Wake me up inside.
I can't wake up.
Wake me up inside.
Save me.
Call my name and save me from the dark.
Wake me up.
Bid my blood to run.
I can't wake up.
Before I come undone.
Save me.
Save me from the nothing I've become.)

Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life.

[Chorus]

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,
without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

All of this sight
I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark
but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.
I've got to open my eyes to everything.

Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul

Don't let me die here
There must be something wrong.
Bring me to life.

[Chorus]

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.

Bring me to life


~ Evanescence - "Bring Me to Life"

shit....x/ yesterday wus pretty good....went to my People 2 People meeting...met some new ppl....got someone to interview for my I-Search.....shit....i have a shitload of hw to make up for my trip!!! eeek! i gotta do 2 journal entries...da first on what being an ambassador means to me...and the second is a descriptive essay....2 current evetns....one on u.s. and one on any of the 4 countries i'm going to...[spain, france, germany, & switzerland]....do research on famous ppl from switzerland....get ready for a group project...read the section on france....get 2 passport sized fotos...bring 2 copies of passport...fill out success form...fill out health form...eEeEEeK!!! hw not even for SCHOOL! argh!!! iono...but i'm feeling like...everything's going by so damn fast...like...iono...but i don't feel like i can get everything done in time....x/....the whole trip seems like it's already on its way....but iono...x/ i talked to reese too...which is really good for me...he's like the only person who remains neutral in all my situations so it's ez for me to talk to him....but iono....everytime i talk to him...feelings arise....and iono....i fall for him over and over again....x/....ugh....and then there's highschool registration in 2 weeks......ugh!!! i'm definitely taking bio honors...buh i dernoz if i wanna take drama or French....x/ eek!!! highschool...x/ everything changes in highschool...ppl say they'll remain the same....but they're all lies....no one remains the same...everyone changes...

EEK!!!!! it's been so long since i got my azz online!!! hahaha...my sis wus sick ever since sat...n now I'M sick!! ARGHHHHH...my head wus throbbing...my chest hurt..my stomach hurt...my throat wus dry...i felt like i wus burning up...i wus dizzy...n i felt like i wus gonna faint or throw up...eek! mrs. mcgeary let me rest....but i couldn't sleep kuz she wus talking to her class...oisherz...my eyes got red..n i felt like i wus gonna cry...erf!

HAPPY B-DAY FAITH!!!!!! ahhaha okee...oOoOo....i am OVER reese! FINALLY....or well.....as over as i can possibly get....haha....i read alla the old convos we had together....n normally i'd cry...but all i felt wus loneliness n sure...i wus unhappy...n of course it reminded me of us n stuff...but i didn't feel the same as before...i have let him go x[...maybe he'll come back to me...if he does...we were meant to be...if not...i'll love him just the same...just...i'm moving on x] today wus no different...i saw his pic...arghhh i still don't have a pic of him!!!! grrrr he's supposed to gimme one...!! haha but yeah...it wus on chantal's folder n stuff n he looked sooooo good in it.....x/ it made me miss him a lot...x/ but like....omg....cammie wants me to ask jason out....!! eeeek!!! okee....b4....i had SOME feelings for him...but dass it...n then....i guess it passed...but anyway....i wus like...NOOO!!! she's like....COME ON! i know he likes you!!! can't u see that!! i'm like....er.....no....ahhaha n she's like....ok....if u ask jason out...i'll ask josh...n i'm like......NOOOOO u HAVE to ask josh...but i'm NOT gonna ask jason...hahaha i asked FOR her...n of course josh sed no...x] hahaha GOOD answer josh x]...cs...went to simon's party thyngg....fun fun fun..simon, chesca, norry, becca, april, sindhu, john, n tim went...haha watched daredevil...omg.....dat movie's REALLY good...sum kinda nastee parts...but dass okee dokee...ahahah...mannnn i wanted to take pix!!! but dass okee..hahaha omg...sooo funnee...BURGER KING!!!! we made simon get a crown n we sang happy b-day to him!!! x] [yes simon...i know u luv our singin] hahahahaha n chesca n norry gave him dis really funnee card dat has like...2 guys on da front wiffout shirts n they have like...packs n stuff...omgggg sooo hilariousness...ahahha....sindhu took sum pix...n then like...chesca n norry had to leave...n we were just by the fountain...n we made simon turn around, make a wish, n throw a penny into the fountain...ahahaha mannn i wus THIS close to pushin him in!!! u poopeyheads!!! ahahah jp jp jp x] n then like...we went to bath n body works n just looked around....then helen grace n i bought a white chocolate covered strawberry.....omg SOOOOOOOO good x].....n then my mommy picked me up n i had to go home....damn...ahah it wus only 6!!! argh...ahaha x] n then reese called n we talked n stuff...hahaha he's like...wutcha doin cutiepie? i'm like....bored...ugh....n he's like....awww poor baby...i'm like...yes yes x] hahaah.....omg.....i'm so sick now!!! arghhh SIMON n CHANTAL! gawshhhhh i'm all sneezin now kuz of you!!!! ahahah jp jp jp....nawww but i wus sneezin da whole day.....yuckiness....! so far so good tho x] good day! x]

oish.........so much...........

i-search....argh....okee....i got a head start.....i e-mailed the creators of some of the sites....my topic: does the gov. have the right to sentence someone to the death penalty?/is capital punishment [death penalty] constitutional? i'm tryin to prove that it isn't....but ppl have a difference in opinions...cs...reese...what's goin on btwn us? ok...i have feelings for him...but it's not like i'm IN LOVE with him...i don't feel the same way...nothing's the same...we're totally different ppl...[sigh]...but yeah i still love him...but i think i'm slowly but surely starting to really get over him this time...chesca's right...u never can really get over your first love...take reese for instance...obviously heather was his first...which is y they're still together...argh...he's right...they're really strong...they haven't seen each other for about 5 months now but they're still together...but then again...there's always a love after...[sigh]....n in comes allen...ugh....he's so depressed....x/ n i'm tryin to do whatever i can to help...but i ended up cryin today kuz of what he sed...it wus all nice n swt n stuff...but it just made me realize a lot of stuff...he has mixed feelings for someone but she loves some other guy...poor allen...x/ but i think i have an idea who...but anyway...like...he wus sayin how i wus one of his best friends n stuff n how he wus glad that i helped him thru everything n stuff...n it wus really swt....n then he started talkin about how he wus gonna miss me wen i went to 9th grade..n like...gooshness dass onlee in like 3-4 months.....!!! x/ i started cryin...x/ yeah...i'm a softie but owelpx...argh...n then like...simon sed that 2 ppl liked me....which i highly doubt....but he hasn't been wrong so far...xP...n iono.....my head just started poundin kuz i wus workin on my i-search n all these ppl imed me n OISH.....just TOO MUCH! argh....everything's just........too much

yesterday wus....er.......pretty good i guess? haha omg....my feet hurt like hell....AMY!!! hahah amy and i switched shoes kuz somethin happened to her toe so i gave her my shoes n i wore her sandals...en they're a size SMALLER than mine so my feet were like...CRAMPED the whole day.....ARGH! damn...i spent a WHOLE day wit allen n EVELYN....argh.....allen i didn't mind...he's my budddddy! x] haha but hell naw i DID NOT want to spend da day wit her...shit! i played ddr against him....damn i suck like hell now...hahha raymond kicked my ass at that...ahahah xP owelpx! x] we rode....xcelerator...supreme scream....puahahaha i MADE them go x] *evil grin* ghostrider [damn...dis one guy kept fuckin starin @ me...well...it wusn't that bad...so i smiled ahahah n he smiled back...! ahahah]....the log ride....calico mine ride...big foot rapids *3 times*...hammerhead...montezooma...bumper cars...n jaguar...sheesh we didn't go on many rides....grrrrr hahaha owelpx....i wus like on the phone wit reese the whole day anyways...ahahah yes yes...i know i shouldn't have been...esp. since i wus wit allen...but i missed him!!! damn...he just HAS to be so damn swt....argh!!! today i wus like....brb!! dun miss me too much! n he's like....i will!...n my away mssg had a p.s. dat sed...btw...ure supposed to say I WILL! jpjpjp n reese wus like....nooooo no jp! i'm like...awww ahha but yesterday he wus like...i was gonna call u yesterday...but i wusn't sure who'd pick up...n like...i wanted to talk to u!! i wus waitin for u!!! i wus like....awwwwwwww! *n e wayz* i got SOOOOOOO fuckin wet on big foot rapids....like...my shirt n my pants n my ass wus fuckin wet! omg!!! n SOOOOOOOOO cold too! arghhh...n reese wus like...well that's YOUR fault!! you went on it!!! i'm like....er....SO! ahahah x] n omggggg allen's sooooo swt!!! he won me a caterpillar!!!! x] hehehe n he traded it for a BIGGER one! ahahah x] damn....i wus soooo fuckin cold the whole damn day tho.......ARGH! ahahah n like.....i left @ 6...went to melissa's house @ 7....argh.....SOOOOOOOOOOOO tired....i even drank an energy boost n it didn't help much...argh! hahah i wus talkin to reese on my daddy's cell @ her house x] n like....me n reese play around alot x] n like...he does say i love you once in a while...but it's meant as friends n stuff....n i'm like....u know i lub yah! he's like......i KNOW u do! ahahah lil butt! but like....melissa talked to him n wus like.....u guys should get together!!! i'm like.....OMG NOOOOOOOOO!!! but damn....his answer wus....we're lovers...but not in that way.....of course i knew that.....OF COURSE i did....x/ but I still love him...

VALENTINE'S DAY!!! not bad....x] i got candy n cards! hahah da dance sucked tho...the decorations were nice...but like.....NO 8th graders went....argh! SCRUBLAND!!! i felt all.....left out tho.....x/ so....ALONE....x/ jason couldn't go kuz he didn't have his i.d. so i didn't really have any guy to dance with....so i asked ppl...yes yes i know it's lame...but i dun like bein alone! xP bsides...victor owed me a dance...uhm...i always dance wit michael...allen asked me to go wit him TO the dance...uhm...james [scrub] n michael krammer....er....well...i just wanted to dance wit someone! haha [sigh] i wish reese could've been there x/

Girl, your stare, those eyes I
(Love it when you look at me, baby)
Your lips, your smile I
(Love it when you kiss me, baby)


Your hips, those thighs I
(Love it when you thug me, baby)
And I can't, deny I
(Love it when I'm wit' you, baby)

hahahaha i wus singin dat wit reese today...hahaha it didn't sound bad either! x] but he HAD to tease me...grrrrrrr...haha he's like...you know u can't deny it..n i didn't answer i just kept singin....n he's like...ooo ure not answerin huh...kuz u know u can't deny it! n i'm like....hahah ok ok ok i can't deny it! hahahaha yes i can't deny it...x/ i miss alla that x/ n then like....i wus watchin mtv n like there wus this wedding on trl....so kyoote n purdy!! n she got a friggin $550,000 diamond set of necklace, earrings, n bracelet as a gift....AHHHHH!!! i told reese n he's like....holy shit....i can't give u that! the most i can give is a wedding ring...i'm like...er...yeah ok hahaha n b4 he asked if i danced wit any guys...i'm like...haha yeah.....[what's it to him tho?]....n he asked if i had a valentine....i just started laughin...n he's like....i know you have one...i'm like....haha yeah so....? haha...he's like...i dun hab one..i'm like...yeah u do! he's like...no...heather's in arizona....so we can't talk or say happy valentine's or anythin..i'm like...arizona? what for? he sed for a tournament..i'm like...oooooo okee that makes sense...he's like...yeah....shit if she LIVED there i'd break up kuz that's too damn far..i'm like....yeahhh haha...hahaha hmmmmmmm what else happend.....ooo....i wus talkin about my science project kuz we're workin on it this sunday...n he's all callin me a procrastinator...n i'm like...yeah...! x] procrastinator n proud or it! i procrstinate n still get the grade...i'm happy! he's like.....arghhh!!! u're too damn smart...but i luv yah!! i'm like...haha x] he sed he wus gonna be in big bear til sunday n he's like yeah...so just call me if you can i'm like...IF i can...[sigh]...i wus watchin feardotcom....holy shit that movie scares da crap outta me....i'm like.....AHHHHHH!!!!!

DiS CrAzY aZn: ill keep you safe
eViL piNaYz tWiN: PLZ DO!!!!! scary shizzerz!!!
eViL piNaYz tWiN: *wimpering*
DiS CrAzY aZn: aqww
DiS CrAzY aZn: -Kisses_
DiS CrAzY aZn: its ok

hahaha n then his away mssg wus

Auto response from DiS CrAzY aZn: ....... PROTECTING SOMEONE FROM SOMETHING ...... BBL WHEN IM DONE PLAYING WONDERBOY

hahhaa he's my wonderboy x] n then he called back after...n he's like yeah...u better finish your science project by sunday so maybe we can go out on monday...i'm like....i can't....i'm goin to knott's....he's like....ooo....nm then...n i'm like...hahaha yeah...everyone wus askin me wudd i wus doin n i told them i wus bz n he's like....forget them! me first! i'm like...haha yea you first...he's like...really? i'm like...of course! he's like...see i know u miss me...i'm like...of course i do! u know i do....he's like..yea....x] he's like...what heather doesn't know can't hurt her...i'm like yup x] n like...earlier...i forgot but we were talkin about caring n stuff....n he's like....u know i still care for u...i'm like...hahah..he's like...u kno i do...so i'm like u know i do too...haha okee....so maybe he has SOME feelings for me? or did he ever? x/ i DO miss him....esp. today...we talked for quite a while x] n no i'm not gonna say EVERYTHING we talked about...but...it wus good talkin to him again...it wus the closest convo we've had since we broke up...it wus almost as if we were still together x/ [sigh] i miss him....n wen i talked to him....i missed everything about him...i miss talkin to him...i miss goin out...i miss huggin him...kissin him...i miss him...well...it wus a pretty happy VALENTINE'S DAY...the only thing that would have made it better...is if we were together...but for now...knowing that he still cares for me and that's he's there to protect me from the scary movies is good enough x]...for now...