mY sToReE

2003-03-04T22:24:00.000-08:00

my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

~ Evanescence - "My Immortal"

2003-03-03T23:11:00.000-08:00

How can you see into my eyes
like open doors.
Leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb.
Without a soul
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home.

(Wake me up.
Wake me up inside.
I can't wake up.
Wake me up inside.
Save me.
Call my name and save me from the dark.
Wake me up.
Bid my blood to run.
I can't wake up.
Before I come undone.
Save me.
Save me from the nothing I've become.)

Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life.

[Chorus]

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,
without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

All of this sight
I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark
but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.
I've got to open my eyes to everything.

Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul

Don't let me die here
There must be something wrong.
Bring me to life.

[Chorus]

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.

Bring me to life

~ Evanescence - "Bring Me to Life"

2003-03-03T23:04:00.000-08:00

shit....x/ yesterday wus pretty good....went to my People 2 People meeting...met some new ppl....got someone to interview for my I-Search.....shit....i have a shitload of hw to make up for my trip!!! eeek! i gotta do 2 journal entries...da first on what being an ambassador means to me...and the second is a descriptive essay....2 current evetns....one on u.s. and one on any of the 4 countries i'm going to...[spain, france, germany, & switzerland]....do research on famous ppl from switzerland....get ready for a group project...read the section on france....get 2 passport sized fotos...bring 2 copies of passport...fill out success form...fill out health form...eEeEEeK!!! hw not even for SCHOOL! argh!!! iono...but i'm feeling like...everything's going by so damn fast...like...iono...but i don't feel like i can get everything done in time....x/....the whole trip seems like it's already on its way....but iono...x/ i talked to reese too...which is really good for me...he's like the only person who remains neutral in all my situations so it's ez for me to talk to him....but iono....everytime i talk to him...feelings arise....and iono....i fall for him over and over again....x/....ugh....and then there's highschool registration in 2 weeks......ugh!!! i'm definitely taking bio honors...buh i dernoz if i wanna take drama or French....x/ eek!!! highschool...x/ everything changes in highschool...ppl say they'll remain the same....but they're all lies....no one remains the same...everyone changes...

2003-02-26T00:22:00.000-08:00

EEK!!!!! it's been so long since i got my azz online!!! hahaha...my sis wus sick ever since sat...n now I'M sick!! ARGHHHHH...my head wus throbbing...my chest hurt..my stomach hurt...my throat wus dry...i felt like i wus burning up...i wus dizzy...n i felt like i wus gonna faint or throw up...eek! mrs. mcgeary let me rest....but i couldn't sleep kuz she wus talking to her class...oisherz...my eyes got red..n i felt like i wus gonna cry...erf!

2003-02-21T22:41:00.000-08:00

HAPPY B-DAY FAITH!!!!!! ahhaha okee...oOoOo....i am OVER reese! FINALLY....or well.....as over as i can possibly get....haha....i read alla the old convos we had together....n normally i'd cry...but all i felt wus loneliness n sure...i wus unhappy...n of course it reminded me of us n stuff...but i didn't feel the same as before...i have let him go x[...maybe he'll come back to me...if he does...we were meant to be...if not...i'll love him just the same...just...i'm moving on x] today wus no different...i saw his pic...arghhh i still don't have a pic of him!!!! grrrr he's supposed to gimme one...!! haha but yeah...it wus on chantal's folder n stuff n he looked sooooo good in it.....x/ it made me miss him a lot...x/ but like....omg....cammie wants me to ask jason out....!! eeeek!!! okee....b4....i had SOME feelings for him...but dass it...n then....i guess it passed...but anyway....i wus like...NOOO!!! she's like....COME ON! i know he likes you!!! can't u see that!! i'm like....er.....no....ahhaha n she's like....ok....if u ask jason out...i'll ask josh...n i'm like......NOOOOO u HAVE to ask josh...but i'm NOT gonna ask jason...hahaha i asked FOR her...n of course josh sed no...x] hahaha GOOD answer josh x]...cs...went to simon's party thyngg....fun fun fun..simon, chesca, norry, becca, april, sindhu, john, n tim went...haha watched daredevil...omg.....dat movie's REALLY good...sum kinda nastee parts...but dass okee dokee...ahahah...mannnn i wanted to take pix!!! but dass okee..hahaha omg...sooo funnee...BURGER KING!!!! we made simon get a crown n we sang happy b-day to him!!! x] [yes simon...i know u luv our singin] hahahahaha n chesca n norry gave him dis really funnee card dat has like...2 guys on da front wiffout shirts n they have like...packs n stuff...omgggg sooo hilariousness...ahahha....sindhu took sum pix...n then like...chesca n norry had to leave...n we were just by the fountain...n we made simon turn around, make a wish, n throw a penny into the fountain...ahahaha mannn i wus THIS close to pushin him in!!! u poopeyheads!!! ahahah jp jp jp x] n then like...we went to bath n body works n just looked around....then helen grace n i bought a white chocolate covered strawberry.....omg SOOOOOOOO good x].....n then my mommy picked me up n i had to go home....damn...ahah it wus only 6!!! argh...ahaha x] n then reese called n we talked n stuff...hahaha he's like...wutcha doin cutiepie? i'm like....bored...ugh....n he's like....awww poor baby...i'm like...yes yes x] hahaah.....omg.....i'm so sick now!!! arghhh SIMON n CHANTAL! gawshhhhh i'm all sneezin now kuz of you!!!! ahahah jp jp jp....nawww but i wus sneezin da whole day.....yuckiness....! so far so good tho x] good day! x]

2003-02-19T23:52:00.000-08:00

oish.........so much...........

i-search....argh....okee....i got a head start.....i e-mailed the creators of some of the sites....my topic: does the gov. have the right to sentence someone to the death penalty?/is capital punishment [death penalty] constitutional? i'm tryin to prove that it isn't....but ppl have a difference in opinions...cs...reese...what's goin on btwn us? ok...i have feelings for him...but it's not like i'm IN LOVE with him...i don't feel the same way...nothing's the same...we're totally different ppl...[sigh]...but yeah i still love him...but i think i'm slowly but surely starting to really get over him this time...chesca's right...u never can really get over your first love...take reese for instance...obviously heather was his first...which is y they're still together...argh...he's right...they're really strong...they haven't seen each other for about 5 months now but they're still together...but then again...there's always a love after...[sigh]....n in comes allen...ugh....he's so depressed....x/ n i'm tryin to do whatever i can to help...but i ended up cryin today kuz of what he sed...it wus all nice n swt n stuff...but it just made me realize a lot of stuff...he has mixed feelings for someone but she loves some other guy...poor allen...x/ but i think i have an idea who...but anyway...like...he wus sayin how i wus one of his best friends n stuff n how he wus glad that i helped him thru everything n stuff...n it wus really swt....n then he started talkin about how he wus gonna miss me wen i went to 9th grade..n like...gooshness dass onlee in like 3-4 months.....!!! x/ i started cryin...x/ yeah...i'm a softie but owelpx...argh...n then like...simon sed that 2 ppl liked me....which i highly doubt....but he hasn't been wrong so far...xP...n iono.....my head just started poundin kuz i wus workin on my i-search n all these ppl imed me n OISH.....just TOO MUCH! argh....everything's just........too much

2003-02-18T23:13:00.000-08:00

yesterday wus....er.......pretty good i guess? haha omg....my feet hurt like hell....AMY!!! hahah amy and i switched shoes kuz somethin happened to her toe so i gave her my shoes n i wore her sandals...en they're a size SMALLER than mine so my feet were like...CRAMPED the whole day.....ARGH! damn...i spent a WHOLE day wit allen n EVELYN....argh.....allen i didn't mind...he's my budddddy! x] haha but hell naw i DID NOT want to spend da day wit her...shit! i played ddr against him....damn i suck like hell now...hahha raymond kicked my ass at that...ahahah xP owelpx! x] we rode....xcelerator...supreme scream....puahahaha i MADE them go x] *evil grin* ghostrider [damn...dis one guy kept fuckin starin @ me...well...it wusn't that bad...so i smiled ahahah n he smiled back...! ahahah]....the log ride....calico mine ride...big foot rapids *3 times*...hammerhead...montezooma...bumper cars...n jaguar...sheesh we didn't go on many rides....grrrrr hahaha owelpx....i wus like on the phone wit reese the whole day anyways...ahahah yes yes...i know i shouldn't have been...esp. since i wus wit allen...but i missed him!!! damn...he just HAS to be so damn swt....argh!!! today i wus like....brb!! dun miss me too much! n he's like....i will!...n my away mssg had a p.s. dat sed...btw...ure supposed to say I WILL! jpjpjp n reese wus like....nooooo no jp! i'm like...awww ahha but yesterday he wus like...i was gonna call u yesterday...but i wusn't sure who'd pick up...n like...i wanted to talk to u!! i wus waitin for u!!! i wus like....awwwwwwww! *n e wayz* i got SOOOOOOO fuckin wet on big foot rapids....like...my shirt n my pants n my ass wus fuckin wet! omg!!! n SOOOOOOOOO cold too! arghhh...n reese wus like...well that's YOUR fault!! you went on it!!! i'm like....er....SO! ahahah x] n omggggg allen's sooooo swt!!! he won me a caterpillar!!!! x] hehehe n he traded it for a BIGGER one! ahahah x] damn....i wus soooo fuckin cold the whole damn day tho.......ARGH! ahahah n like.....i left @ 6...went to melissa's house @ 7....argh.....SOOOOOOOOOOOO tired....i even drank an energy boost n it didn't help much...argh! hahah i wus talkin to reese on my daddy's cell @ her house x] n like....me n reese play around alot x] n like...he does say i love you once in a while...but it's meant as friends n stuff....n i'm like....u know i lub yah! he's like......i KNOW u do! ahahah lil butt! but like....melissa talked to him n wus like.....u guys should get together!!! i'm like.....OMG NOOOOOOOOO!!! but damn....his answer wus....we're lovers...but not in that way.....of course i knew that.....OF COURSE i did....x/ but I still love him...

2003-02-15T01:24:00.000-08:00

VALENTINE'S DAY!!! not bad....x] i got candy n cards! hahah da dance sucked tho...the decorations were nice...but like.....NO 8th graders went....argh! SCRUBLAND!!! i felt all.....left out tho.....x/ so....ALONE....x/ jason couldn't go kuz he didn't have his i.d. so i didn't really have any guy to dance with....so i asked ppl...yes yes i know it's lame...but i dun like bein alone! xP bsides...victor owed me a dance...uhm...i always dance wit michael...allen asked me to go wit him TO the dance...uhm...james [scrub] n michael krammer....er....well...i just wanted to dance wit someone! haha [sigh] i wish reese could've been there x/

Girl, your stare, those eyes I
(Love it when you look at me, baby)
Your lips, your smile I
(Love it when you kiss me, baby)

Your hips, those thighs I
(Love it when you thug me, baby)
And I can't, deny I
(Love it when I'm wit' you, baby)

hahahaha i wus singin dat wit reese today...hahaha it didn't sound bad either! x] but he HAD to tease me...grrrrrrr...haha he's like...you know u can't deny it..n i didn't answer i just kept singin....n he's like...ooo ure not answerin huh...kuz u know u can't deny it! n i'm like....hahah ok ok ok i can't deny it! hahahaha yes i can't deny it...x/ i miss alla that x/ n then like....i wus watchin mtv n like there wus this wedding on trl....so kyoote n purdy!! n she got a friggin $550,000 diamond set of necklace, earrings, n bracelet as a gift....AHHHHH!!! i told reese n he's like....holy shit....i can't give u that! the most i can give is a wedding ring...i'm like...er...yeah ok hahaha n b4 he asked if i danced wit any guys...i'm like...haha yeah.....[what's it to him tho?]....n he asked if i had a valentine....i just started laughin...n he's like....i know you have one...i'm like....haha yeah so....? haha...he's like...i dun hab one..i'm like...yeah u do! he's like...no...heather's in arizona....so we can't talk or say happy valentine's or anythin..i'm like...arizona? what for? he sed for a tournament..i'm like...oooooo okee that makes sense...he's like...yeah....shit if she LIVED there i'd break up kuz that's too damn far..i'm like....yeahhh haha...hahaha hmmmmmmm what else happend.....ooo....i wus talkin about my science project kuz we're workin on it this sunday...n he's all callin me a procrastinator...n i'm like...yeah...! x] procrastinator n proud or it! i procrstinate n still get the grade...i'm happy! he's like.....arghhh!!! u're too damn smart...but i luv yah!! i'm like...haha x] he sed he wus gonna be in big bear til sunday n he's like yeah...so just call me if you can i'm like...IF i can...[sigh]...i wus watchin feardotcom....holy shit that movie scares da crap outta me....i'm like.....AHHHHHH!!!!!

DiS CrAzY aZn: ill keep you safe
eViL piNaYz tWiN: PLZ DO!!!!! scary shizzerz!!!
eViL piNaYz tWiN: *wimpering*
DiS CrAzY aZn: aqww
DiS CrAzY aZn: -Kisses_
DiS CrAzY aZn: its ok

hahaha n then his away mssg wus

Auto response from DiS CrAzY aZn: ....... PROTECTING SOMEONE FROM SOMETHING ...... BBL WHEN IM DONE PLAYING WONDERBOY

hahhaa he's my wonderboy x] n then he called back after...n he's like yeah...u better finish your science project by sunday so maybe we can go out on monday...i'm like....i can't....i'm goin to knott's....he's like....ooo....nm then...n i'm like...hahaha yeah...everyone wus askin me wudd i wus doin n i told them i wus bz n he's like....forget them! me first! i'm like...haha yea you first...he's like...really? i'm like...of course! he's like...see i know u miss me...i'm like...of course i do! u know i do....he's like..yea....x] he's like...what heather doesn't know can't hurt her...i'm like yup x] n like...earlier...i forgot but we were talkin about caring n stuff....n he's like....u know i still care for u...i'm like...hahah..he's like...u kno i do...so i'm like u know i do too...haha okee....so maybe he has SOME feelings for me? or did he ever? x/ i DO miss him....esp. today...we talked for quite a while x] n no i'm not gonna say EVERYTHING we talked about...but...it wus good talkin to him again...it wus the closest convo we've had since we broke up...it wus almost as if we were still together x/ [sigh] i miss him....n wen i talked to him....i missed everything about him...i miss talkin to him...i miss goin out...i miss huggin him...kissin him...i miss him...well...it wus a pretty happy VALENTINE'S DAY...the only thing that would have made it better...is if we were together...but for now...knowing that he still cares for me and that's he's there to protect me from the scary movies is good enough x]...for now...

2003-02-13T22:50:00.000-08:00

arghhhhhhhhhhhh i hate emotions!!!! they just screw everything up.......one moment i'm happy and i feel free....the next....i feel bound to him....ARGHHHH he wus like...CALL ME! all of a sudden...i'm like....HUH? but yeah..he ended up callin me....i wus like......ooooookee dokee........anyway.....i wus bein stubborn x] more fun to be stubborn around your ex hahaha x] he always is...it's MY turn! x] hahaha but yeah....iono...he thought i wus bein all mean n complicated n tryin to get back @ him...but no...i know better x]...[sigh]...but he told me a friend of mine asked him to be her valentine...n i wus like.....wtfreek! n he sed yeah..i wus like....wth...but then she sed that she n her friend were havin a competition to see who could get the most valentines...after that i relaxed....i wus like......WHAT?! is she outta her mind?! n he's like.........WHAT!!!!! i'm like...hahaha yeah...he's like....what.....you JEALOUS? i'm like....uh.....no....jealous of WHAT....hahaha x] i'm not being MEAN...well....not THAT mean...not like HE can be....but yeah....i asked him if he wanted to go out n do somethin tomorrow kuz i still didn't know what my plans were...[no ppl...i'm DID NOT ask him out on a date]....sigh....VALENTINE'S DAY tomorrow...aish...the worst day for me...x/ but i dun feel THAT bad...until everything i see & hear has to do with VALENTINE'S DAY.......argh........couples, roses, hearts...........and the best line in the world.......I LOVE YOU.....argh......y did i have to learn the meaning of love the hard way......bkuz of all this......i gave up on "love"...or am i supposed to learn from this and keep striving to find the ONE?....love....[sigh].....a big misconception....or is just MY misconception?

2003-02-12T21:51:00.000-08:00

omg...i had da skariest drm today....okee..i got home @ 4:30 & slept til 6...n SCARY DREAM! me, frederick, camellia, jason, chantal, my cousin jules were walkin in da mall...n we went to da foodcourt n met up wit reese...like...me n reese were plannin b4 to meet n like it wus supposed to seem like we just ran into him in da mall...n anyways...me n reese hugged [SHOCK] n everyone got to know him n everything n we were on da way to the movies n i was talking to reese n stuff n i took his hand n held it [WHY?!] n he wus whispered "i knew you still did!" n i let go of him but he put his arm around my waist n pulled me close to him n we giggled n whatevers n then like we got inside the movies n i wus flirtin [yes flirting..remember this is a DREAM] wit jason n frederick n reese...n inside the movie i sat next to jason n reese n i was watchin reese [er....yea] n like we looked @ each other n he got out of his seat n looked @ me n he moved closer like he wus gonna kiss me [i told u SCARY] n then the dream ended......okee....WTFREEK was that?!?!?! after the dream i swear i woke up screamin....omg....i dernoz...maybe i STILL like him?? after that dream...all i could feel was the need to see him....i think i've always had feelings for him...and i guess the dream took those feelings and embraced them...showing me how i truly feel....or maybe it's the complete opposite....maybe i dreamt all that up to prove that i really don't have feelings for him...and all those feelings was just a dream...whatever it meant....i've gotta find out

2003-02-08T23:43:00.000-08:00

today was oh so swt x] hahaha...i got a taste of satisfaction when cam apologized...but it's koo...me n her are friends again!! x] thx gooshness....i even got her n jason to make up n be friends again!!! x] yes....go me...hahaha i'm the good one! x] we didn't really work on the project....just sat around n did nothing x]....[sigh].....i just realized how much i miss havin a bf......x/.....[sigh]i wus listenin to alla these slow songs n i saw da "Baby rmx" vid n stuff n i missed having a guy hug me from behind n do things like that...[sigh]...i still remember all the things reese used to do...but dass over n done n all i have are the memories...but i dun want the memories...i want someone to share them with...anyway...frederick called...xO [shock] haha.....n we talked n stuff n had a few laughs n just had fun x] [sigh] i miss bein able to do that w/ a guy....i miss having someone like him to talk to.....yeah i know......i'm startin to sound like i like him...n maybe i do a lil...he's swt n he listens to me n helps me out n he's funny x] but yes...i remember...no guys until the end of skoo x] i told you it would be hard for me!

2003-02-08T02:38:00.000-08:00

aish.....gettin bitched @ wasn't THAT bad! xO hahaha i wus fuckin pissed after...but i talked it thru wit jenny n chesca n i felt a lot better x] thx gooshness....i had it up to here with cam...but i'm calm now....i swear....wen she wus bitchin @ me i could've sed SOOOOOOOOO much shit to her but naw...i'm a good girl and kept my mouth shut...but i wus THIS close to bitchslappin her...thx gooshness i can supress my anger righ? hehehe x] but thxy to melissa n kc n tracy n charlene n shaina for bitchin @ her afterskoo....i lub you guys!! n i lub you xtina too!! kuz i missed u last time i sed dat x] hahaha but yeah....i got bitched @ TWICE....ouch.....first @ lunch.....n that wus just bein NICE to me......n then afterschool......n for no real reason anyway.....so gay.......ok.......so i flirt wit a lot of guys......i already know that........dass y i'm workin on it!!!! but like.....cam didn't have to bitch @ me just kuz of that...the only reason wus dat i wus "flirtin" wit her ex...but like seriously...if you were there in our convo u'd see we weren't flirtin...dayum...y can't ppl just accept ppl the way they are? cam...as EVERYONE knows...is the big bitch...not in a bad way....just...wen she gets pissed off she expresses herself fully...en i...i'm just the big flirt...i don't mean to do it...but i have a lot of guy friends n i like to talk...wudd can i say? but like...y do ppl have to go and assume things that aren't necessarily tru? sheesh....but hey....i wusn't low enough to go bitch back @ her...i shouldn't have to...i shouldn't have to prove i'm better than her....this whole thing btwn me en her....there's really nothin...it's all pointless....anyway....da highlight of my day...in a good sense that is...wus talkin to chesca n jenny....they helped me straigten out a few things...n i felt so much better after talkin to them...*i lub you guys!*....n then there's reese...yes ppl i AM over him....but he doesn't seem to believe me!!! argh....hahaha owelpx....we're just friends...n i wanna keep it that way....x]

2003-02-06T23:57:00.000-08:00

today wus just.........just......PEACHY! hahaha....iono....everything wus ok....until i talked to albert!!! ahaha jp jp jp....but lil nutt forgot who i wus...grrrr....owelpx.....but anyway.....someone warned me to watch myself tomorrow....they sed somethin wus gonna happen.....so i dernoz? x/ iono...i wus tinkin along da lines of ppl gonna jump me? wutever...xP...iono....i dunt wanna take everything so seriously anymore....i'm thru wit da worrying....but hey...i guess it's a part of me....esp. right now....me en cammie r friends...or well...we're not on bad terms wit each other...i tink....xcept me n jason r friends...n ppl are gettin da wrong idea.....so i tink i'm on cammie's bad side?...but like....ppl get da wrong idea....n i hate it....i mean...i have a pretty bad rep for flirtin wit guys....n i really shouldn't have dat rep.....ppl just ASSUME things....ppl don't know the truth....but what's the truth? maybe i should just forget all about this whole reputation crap....i mean....i shouldn't have to care about wut other ppl tink of me....i should just do my thing n be proud of it....n if i really do have tru friends....they'll care about the things i do but more importantly....care about me

2003-02-05T00:15:00.000-08:00

hm.....today....went by fast x] thx goodness....classes sucked.....devitt wus good! i don't hab to do any flashcards!! hell yeah! hahah x] i got a 96 on that test on thursday! n he sed somethin about i do my work n i don't need to make flashcards n i set high goals? iono..but hey...dunt hab to do his flashcards EVER! x] puahahaha aiite...anyways...not much to say...took a longass nap...for like...2 hrs...did my hw...watched American Idol n Smallville....grrrr Chloe n Pete messed up things for Clark n Lana!!! grrrr n dat wus a PRETTY rose! grrr...hahah...i finally got online @ 10..n i talked to allen...it's been quite a while since i talked to him last...he's in NJ righ now...was in NYC earlier....for his sister n stuff...things are good btwn us...i mean...there's 3 types of break-up relationships...1 ~ you talk n become the best of friends...or at least pretty good friends...2 ~ you talk very little n r kinda uncomfortable around him/her....or 3 ~ you absolutely hate each other...in the case of me n allen...we're type 1...i like bein able to talk to him x] he's like...one of the few ppl i can really talk to n not have to worry about anythin...i mean...a lot of guys are like that...yeah...credit to simon, albert, will, harrison, sean, john, alex, jeff, joe, frederick, rodolfo, n allen x] thx you guys!!! i kno i can always talk to u guys about anything...i lub you!!! n of course i lub alla my girls too...but hey...i dunt wanna list everyone right now x] haha but anyways...yeah...i haven't talked to allen in a while...n so it wus nice talkin to him again x] so funny...he's so...INNOCENT goodness! ALBERT on the other hand...not so INNOCENT...hahah x] but ish aiitey i lub him anyways x] haha...aitey...cs....i actually DON'T like ANYONE! xO [shock i know] like...i just feel....FREE! x] like simon says...SINGLE PRIDE! x] hahaha yeah...i don't feel tied down to anyone anymore...n it's a good feeling...a feeling i hadn't felt since forevers...x] n it's great! hehehe n immah start workin out some more...grr...i used to work out a lot durin da summer...but dayum skoo...my stomach's all flabby n i have like...NO muscle...!! aish!! i need to buy some dumbells...anyone know where i can get some? sportsmart maybe?

2003-02-04T01:57:00.000-08:00

oooomg......shizzermanitterz....i had a CRAPLOAD of hw to do.....sheesh!!! i didn't start ANY hw til 7:30.....AISH!!! and i had all my dayum comma cards to do as well as my geometry hw.....dayum...i took an nap @ 5:45...en i wus supposed to wake up @ 6:15....but i didn't get up til 7...and i had to eat dinner...so i didn't start my hw til 7:30....grrrr dayum...soooooo tiring...o yeah....had schedule changes today...nothin changed on my schedule...but some new ppl in my classes en some ppl went out...uhm...tony's in nyquist w/ me...victor...camellia...catherine...en other ppl w/ me in p.e....p.e....grrrrr boringgggggg lecture from mitskus...dernoz wudd da crap she wus talkin about...owelpx...uhm...let's see...wudd else is new? ooo...yesterday i talked to reese...not just online...on the fone...xO [shock] yes i know....haha yeah...that whole "ex" thing is just....bleh.....iono.....there's nothin to talk about anymore...so it wus like....silent....haha....he still doesn't listen to me....he never did....he wus yawnin....en i told him to go sleep...but no...he wus stubborn as always...haha...i told him he never DID go to sleep wen i told him to....he sed haha yeah....nothin's changed....haha in a way...he's right...he's still the same person...en i'm still the same person...just....we're not together enymore en he's bak wit his ex...well...i wus in the same situation b4 i got with him tho....we were just friends en he wus still wit his ex....en that didn't bother me back then...but it's weird NOW....i mean...ok...so we're the same...just friends...but does that mean he's still the same lying jerk? or WAS he ALWAYS a lying jerk? kuz it didn't seem that way b4....but now....iono....i guess...a having a broken heart shows me all the cracks....

2003-02-02T23:08:00.000-08:00

grrrrr i woke up LATE!!! grrrr...ahah woke up @ 11...my alarm went off @ 9..but i went back to sleep x] went to melissa's house (moore) @ 11:30 & did our devitt project...we actually made progress and WORKED! x] @ 2:30 we took a break en went around her neighborhood...went to andy's house but he wusn't home...en then to joe's house kuz we wanted to play some b-ball (melissa doesn't have a b-ball hoop) en I wanted to say hey x] hahaha funny funny...he talked to melissa first kuz i wus standin on the side...en i just peeked my head to the side en said...hey joe! funny...he smiled wen he saw me x] en no ppl..i'm not hallucinating...kuz melissa's the one who told me he smiled so HA! x] but yeah...i'm not takin anything seriously anymore...just gonna have fun! x] haha weird tho...melissa asked me if i liked jason..en i wus like...HUH? noooooo en she's like....really? kuz you guys act like you like each other...en i'm like...naw uh...ahhaha en her BROTHER ryan asked jason...wen i wus gone...if he liked me en stuff....ahahahah of course he sed no....hilariousness tho...anyways...we finished devitt's project en it didn't turn out so bad x] we're proud of our work! x] hehehe welpx...got home @ 6:30...ate Arby's...watched Charmed en Alias...took a shower...en finally got my ass online x] haha not a bad day x]

2003-01-30T18:19:00.000-08:00

sunday was fun! x] damn....i hadn't had any fun in a while....til sunday x] haha...me, jenny, tina, en joe (cariaso) went bowling! x] hahahaha ok.....it wus just me en joe bowlin...en dat wus koo...we were competin against each other en foolin around a lot....fun fun fun....we had a lot of fun....en we needed it.....me kuz of reese...joe kuz of breakin up wit shilpa....en yeah....bowlin wus good....joe's great! he IS cute...ahahaha x] *wink wink* en he's funny en swt en stuff....but ppl got mad @ me kuz i was told not to flirt wit him en i supposedly wus wen we went bowlin.....iono.....in my head i can't draw the line btwn flirtin en havin fun....kuz basically that's all i wanted to do...just have fun...but yeah....ppl got pissed @ meh...en then we sorta kinda talked about it...en problem solved? dernoz....? but like....they even sed i flirted too much...en i admit i do...but i never knew it really affected anyone....en then like...they sed dat i wus flirtin wit jason in front of camellia afterskoo like 2 days ago....en heyll naw i wusn't...jason's juss a friend en i had to do my science project w/him, brian chiao, en melissa moore....no i would not flirt wit him...! x/ bsides...i sorta kinda like joe....but well...i gotta kno him better...but i sorta kinda can't......[sigh].....i pinky promise w/ a cherry on top...w/ special whip cream..w/ special tastay maple syrup w/ a golden spoon.....dat i won't get wit another guy til da end of skoo.......AHHHHHHHHHHHH aint dat HARD for me!!! ahahahah naw....not like ppl wanna get w/me enywayz so dass okee dokee fo me! x] hahaha buh i can't put any moves on guys or wuteverz...en if it ends up that me and some guy like each other we have to leave it as that until da end of skoo.....yes simon & chesca........immah keep this promise!!!!!! chesca.....i bet you 3 bucks!!!! can i juss pay u now? ahahah x] buh today wus.....er.....bleh.....i'm bein da odd chick out now....[sigh]

2003-01-25T16:29:00.000-08:00

damn...my days are just gettin worse...x/...i'm over it....WAY over it....so y do i still feel the same? i long for his touch...i still yearn for his kisses...i still wanna hear his voice...sayin..i love you...but y? everythin was just a lie....so y'd it feel so real? love is life.....minus the reality.....i was in love....but he wasn't...not with me.....he said he was.....LIE....he sed he didn't wanna hurt me....maybe that wasn't a lie.....but he hurt me....he sed he didn't want heather....LIE....he sed he wanted to be with me....LIE....he sed we'd last a long time.....LIE....he sed he didn't want me to let him go....LIE....he sed i love you....BULLSHIT

2003-01-23T22:06:00.000-08:00

my day had turned out perfectly...TOO perfect there HAD to be a flaw..and what a BIG flaw it was...everything he said...everything he did...everything i THOUGHT we shared....it was all a lie...i've just been so damn in denial to admit it...but i knew...i KNEW there was something wrong...i KNEW this was gonna happen...i KNEW he still loved Heather...i KNEW they'd get back together...so why the hell did i let it happen?...i cried my ass off...he LIED to me...he fuckin LIED to me...i wouldn't really give a shit if he had told me...but no...he fuckin lied...and after all of that...he sed i'm sorry...i know that won't cover for what i've done...no shit it won't fuckin cover for all the fuckin damage he's fuckin done...he fuckin sed he never wanted hurt me...he fuckin hurt me...he fuckin put me to tears...he fuckin played my sorry ass...and he fuckin LIED...he sed he lied...to..."make it easier for me to let go...i did it for you..." my ASS! he did it for his fuckin lyin ass...he just didn't wanna get bitched at or see me cry...whatever...did he even fuckin consider what the fuck could happen...did he even fuckin think about what i would fuckin say...or fuckin feel...fuck naw...he fuckin thought about his fuckin self...i love you...BULLSHIT...that's a fuckin lie too...pain...suffer...tears...y did i fuckin put myself in this position...fuck!...none of this shit would've happen if i had fuckin admitted it...but no...i had to fuckin ignore all the facts that was right in my face...and i had to fuckin hear it from fuckin Heather...he didn't have the fuckin guts to fuckin tell me...en i fuckin let myself fall for all those damn lies he fuckin told me...i'm so fuckin stupid...

2003-01-22T23:55:00.000-08:00

yesterday was one of the worst days of the year...and the year has barely begun...

DiS CrAzY aZn: do you get loanly
DiS CrAzY aZn: with out meeh
kYoOt3piNaY: yes...always...
DiS CrAzY aZn: you need someone that you can see every day kathy
kYoOt3piNaY: x/
DiS CrAzY aZn: i love you so much
DiS CrAzY aZn: but i cant stand to be away from you
DiS CrAzY aZn: i cant see ou every day
DiS CrAzY aZn: like i want tooh
kYoOt3piNaY: i know...
kYoOt3piNaY: so...are you sayin u wanna break up?
DiS CrAzY aZn: i dont want too
kYoOt3piNaY: i dun either
DiS CrAzY aZn: but i cant stand to see you be left loanly
kYoOt3piNaY: nooo...don't worry about me
DiS CrAzY aZn: i cant always be there
kYoOt3piNaY: i know
DiS CrAzY aZn: i want you to bee happy
kYoOt3piNaY: i AM happy!
kYoOt3piNaY: because i'm with you makes me happy
DiS CrAzY aZn: but im not feelin the same
DiS CrAzY aZn: im happy cus im with you
DiS CrAzY aZn: but im unhappy when in not arond you
kYoOt3piNaY: noooo
kYoOt3piNaY: don't be unhappy
DiS CrAzY aZn: i cant help it kathy
DiS CrAzY aZn: i love you
kYoOt3piNaY: i love you too
DiS CrAzY aZn: but ur mom doesnt want meeh with you
DiS CrAzY aZn: an if she wont
DiS CrAzY aZn: then how can we see each other
kYoOt3piNaY: i dunno...but i know we will...
DiS CrAzY aZn: im thinkin we should wait
DiS CrAzY aZn: a lil while
kYoOt3piNaY: well...
kYoOt3piNaY: if you think we should...
DiS CrAzY aZn: kathy
DiS CrAzY aZn: i dont wanna hurt you
DiS CrAzY aZn: ok
kYoOt3piNaY: i know
DiS CrAzY aZn: we can be more than friends
DiS CrAzY aZn: you knwo
DiS CrAzY aZn: im not goin ne where
kYoOt3piNaY: heh
kYoOt3piNaY: en neither am i
DiS CrAzY aZn: im always here
DiS CrAzY aZn: you knwo where to find meeh
DiS CrAzY aZn: this isnt good bye kathy
DiS CrAzY aZn: imma be with you in your heart forever
DiS CrAzY aZn: an well be together again
DiS CrAzY aZn: ok
DiS CrAzY aZn: just right now
DiS CrAzY aZn: we need to lay low
kYoOt3piNaY: ok...
DiS CrAzY aZn: kathy
DiS CrAzY aZn: dont be sad
DiS CrAzY aZn: we dont have to stop being close
DiS CrAzY aZn: ok
kYoOt3piNaY: ok
DiS CrAzY aZn: r u mad at meeh ???
kYoOt3piNaY: noooo i'm not mad
kYoOt3piNaY: just...sad
DiS CrAzY aZn: awww why
DiS CrAzY aZn: were the same
DiS CrAzY aZn: but with a diff title
kYoOt3piNaY: haha
kYoOt3piNaY: and what title would that be?
DiS CrAzY aZn: more than friends
DiS CrAzY aZn: i dunno
DiS CrAzY aZn: you give us a title
kYoOt3piNaY: i can't..
DiS CrAzY aZn: r you ok
kYoOt3piNaY: i dunno...
DiS CrAzY aZn: this isnt perment
DiS CrAzY aZn: kathy
DiS CrAzY aZn: its not you
DiS CrAzY aZn: its an i want to be with you
DiS CrAzY aZn: jsut
kYoOt3piNaY: i know...u dun have to say anymore...
DiS CrAzY aZn: kathy
DiS CrAzY aZn: this doesnt change ur feelings toward meeh
DiS CrAzY aZn: does it
kYoOt3piNaY: of course not...
kYoOt3piNaY: i love you...i'll always love you...that's a promise i'll keep
DiS CrAzY aZn: dont be sad
kYoOt3piNaY: x/
DiS CrAzY aZn: STOP
kYoOt3piNaY: ?
DiS CrAzY aZn: =)
kYoOt3piNaY: hehe
DiS CrAzY aZn: My felings will never change
DiS CrAzY aZn: ok
kYoOt3piNaY: ok
kYoOt3piNaY: i love yoiu
kYoOt3piNaY: you*
DiS CrAzY aZn: i love you
DiS CrAzY aZn: you can call meeh just as much as b4
DiS CrAzY aZn: talk to meeh as if i was still withyou
kYoOt3piNaY: heh...
kYoOt3piNaY: so what are we then? together...takin a break...or together but not together
DiS CrAzY aZn: humm
DiS CrAzY aZn: what is together but not together mean
kYoOt3piNaY: as in like...we still act like a couple but we're not together
DiS CrAzY aZn: yea
DiS CrAzY aZn: ill kiss you
kYoOt3piNaY: heh...
kYoOt3piNaY: i wish you could
DiS CrAzY aZn: an worship ur feet
kYoOt3piNaY: hahah
DiS CrAzY aZn: i will
kYoOt3piNaY: u always know how to make me smile...even in the worst scenarios
kYoOt3piNaY: x]
kYoOt3piNaY: brb...
DiS CrAzY aZn: ok
DiS CrAzY aZn: NO! NO CRYIN

Auto response from kYoOt3piNaY: LEAVE ME ALONE....

let me cry him a river

DiS CrAzY aZn: im your forever

Auto response from kYoOt3piNaY: LEAVE ME ALONE....

let me cry him a river

DiS CrAzY aZn: dont cry kathy

***************************************************************************************************************

DiS CrAzY aZn: kathy
kYoOt3piNaY: ?
DiS CrAzY aZn: im sry if i hurt you in ne way
DiS CrAzY aZn: kathy
kYoOt3piNaY: it's ok..u sed what you needed to say en did what u had to do
DiS CrAzY aZn: i didnt want to do this
DiS CrAzY aZn: but i didnt want to live something i didnt feel
DiS CrAzY aZn: dont get meeh wrong
DiS CrAzY aZn: we make a hella good couple
DiS CrAzY aZn: like pea's an carrots
kYoOt3piNaY: hehe
DiS CrAzY aZn: i memeber the talk we had
DiS CrAzY aZn: an i stand by every word i said
DiS CrAzY aZn: im not gonna act ne different toward you
DiS CrAzY aZn: you hear meeh sexc mamma
kYoOt3piNaY: xP
DiS CrAzY aZn: dont be sad ok
kYoOt3piNaY: wHiCH tALk?
DiS CrAzY aZn: the one
DiS CrAzY aZn: we had bout
DiS CrAzY aZn: if i truly love you
DiS CrAzY aZn: kathy
DiS CrAzY aZn: i dont want you to change
kYoOt3piNaY: i won't change
kYoOt3piNaY: i'll always be the same girl u fell in love with
DiS CrAzY aZn: kathy
DiS CrAzY aZn: i havnt fell out of love with you
DiS CrAzY aZn: im ur baby always
DiS CrAzY aZn: you hear meeh
kYoOt3piNaY: i hear x]
DiS CrAzY aZn: ok

Yesterday, I held you in my arms...
Today, the heavens took you away from me...
Tonight, I wish upon a star for your happiness cuz forever in my heart you will be

«:: (¨`v´¨) ::»I LOVE YOU REESE«:: (¨`v´¨) ::»

2003-01-20T23:04:00.000-08:00

[sigh]...when i think i'm in the worst position in this world...he says 3 words and i fall apart once again...

after like almost a week of no talkin...i called reese again en again til he finally picked up...just hearin his voice message was a relief...i missed hearin him....[sigh]....of course he knew it wus me and i could hear him get all excited and happy...so cute wen he does that...he called earlier but my mom picked up...en luckily chantal called for him [PHEW]...en then he wus like...damn it's been so long since we've talked....i miss you soooo much...but then i could hear him yawnin en stuff so i told him to go sleep...so we sed our goodbyes en he sed i love you soooooooo much....[smile...sigh]....en after a while we finally hung up....so good to hear his voice again....before it was so faint...in the distance...something i wus trying to run to but could never catch...and now that i've heard him once again...he's easily within my grasp..just a heartbeat away...

8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning - i love you....i love you to reese...and i know it's been so long since we've talked...but as long as we're there for each other we'll stay strong and carry on...

2003-01-18T14:12:00.000-08:00

dAyuM....diS woRLd iSH sO fRiGgiN f*eD uP...jEepErZ...eVeryONe'S lyKE sMokiN eN cRAp.... bAckStAbBiN....tAwKiN sHyZz aBouT eAcH oThA....eN iE thOUght MY liFe wUs bADd.....eNyOnE wHOo piCKs uP a ciGg oR wUteVa isH jUsS hUrTiN thEmsELvEs eN eVeRYoNe eLsE aROund thEM wHOo cARes aBOuT thEM...

i dunt think i can really see reese again...if he goes to club c then i might be able to...but besides that...i dunt think i can see him...my mom went all biatchy wen we talked about it again...she's like...no...you can't talk to him or see him....i kno you call him on our fone...en crap like that...of course i lied...but then i was like....but i wanted to go out with him on valentine's day kuz it's VALENTINE'S DAY!! en she's like NO...she was all lecturing me and sayin crap en i just broke down en friggin cried....*no one is worth your tears..and the one who is won't make you cry* [sigh]...what am i supposed to do? i can't talk to him...i probably won't see him...what am i to do? go sneak on the phone at night and get caught en get in more trouble...stop talking to him completely...forget about him..? i can't do that...i love him sooooo much...but maybe it's time for me to let him go....but i can't....it's because of hope that i hold on to him...hold on to us...

*You know your in love when the hardest thing to say is goodbye.*

*As part of you has grown in me, together forever shall we be, never apart maybe in distance but not in heart. *

*I don't regret the thingz I've done or the thingz I've chosen not to do, because I must of done something right, because I ended up with you.*

*and i love you more with every breath
ill be yours forever, from now till death*

~Life is 4 livin, i live mine just 4 u~
~Loves 4 givin, i give mine 2 u~
~Dreams r 4 dreamin, i dream of u~
~Hearts r 4 beating, mine beats 4 u~

*Oceans apart, day after day And I slowly go insane I hear ur voice on da line,
but it doesn't stop the pain. If I see you next to never, how can we say forever?
Wherever u go, wateva u do, I will be rite here waiting 4 u.*

*This ain't the planet I've been living on
It don't circle round the sun
Ever since the day you came along
Everything I do revolves around you
You're my only one*

*I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.*

2003-01-11T00:54:00.000-08:00

SIMON IS SO TIITE

HE MY BFF FO SHO

simon ur da best...<3 u boy....

BBF fo sho!

im here fo u always....

thanx fo being here fo me.....

[jAcKeD fROm siMoN...iHn MY vErSiON heHeHeeHeh]

2003-01-07T23:15:00.000-08:00

cLub c wUsN'T sO bAD....rEeSE diDN'T gO......[siGh].......iE tRiEd tO caLL hiM....bUh nO dAmN sERviCe....sO iE fiNaLLY gOt a hOLD oF hiM iN dA fRiGgiN giRL's rEsTrOoM.....gRRRr.....hE sEd tO "gO eN dANcE eN hAfF fUn"...nO fUn iF hE's nOT theRe!! gRrRRrR...haHAha...iE sAW aMY...fAiTh...eN thOSe pPozE....eN thEN thERe wAS cRystaL eN mAriE eN bRaNdOn eN jOhN eN jOcELL eN aLLa thOsE wHitNeY pPoZE...eN eVerYbODy wUs lyKe....NOT dANciN....sO daMn bOriN.....!! thEn fiNaLLY ppL sTartEd tO dAncE...eN iE wUs dAnciN wiFf cRyStaL eN mAriE...eN thEN bRaNdOn wUS jUsS thERe...eN iE wUs lyKe....y dUn u dAncE?! eN hE's liKe....iE dUn liKe tO dAnCE ALONE....sO iE wUs lyKe...AHahHahAH xP sO wEeH dAnCEd tOgEthER...eN thEN aFtErWaRdS jOhn aSked....eN thEN wEeH dAncEd...EN thEN afteR tiNa dAncEd wiFf jOHn iE dAnCeD wiFf hiM uHgEN...eN liKe...oNe oF thE sLoW sOnGs tRaViS aSKed mEeH tO dANCE wiFf hiM sO iE diD....eN wEeH weRE aLL tALKiN eN sTuff...eN liKe...iOnO bUh fRiGgiN reTarDeD viNCeNt wUs iHn diS wHOLe sHyTLoAd oF cRaP eN pPL wEre fiGhTiN...wEeRuD cRAP...hAHaHA....eNyWaYS...iE diDn'T fEeL THAT bAd dAt iE dAncEd wiFf oThEr gUyS...bUh iE knEw iT wUs WRONG eN cRAP...eN thEn iE gOt a leCtuRE frOm jEnNY wEN wEeH gOt bAk tO sKoO kUZ lyKe...rEeSE diDn'T kArE iF iE dAncE wiFF oThEr gUyS bUh jENNY cAreS kUZ sHe'S mAH liL siS eN thEN liKe...bRaNdOn DOES haFf a gF...yEs iE knO dAT...bUh NOTHING hAPpEnEd...jUsS dAnciNg!!! bUh yeAH.....eN theN tOdAY.....iOnO....bUh rEeSE gOt mEeH wOrRiEd....kUZ hE wUs lyKe...weEH hAfF tO taLK....eN thEn iE wUs lyKe....eR....uH oH? eN thEN hE's liKe....u knO iE loVe yOoH...eN iE wUs jUsS thiNKiN.....UH OH.....eN thEN aLL hE wANTeD wUs sOmE sPaCE sO hE cOuLd wOrK oHn hiS sTuDiEs eN sTuFf...eN iE wUs lyKE....O....OKEE! nP!!!! kUz iE wAnT hiM tO hAfF a gOoD eDuCAtiOn...eN iF iSh mEeH dAsS diStRacTiN thEN i'LL giVe hiM hiS sPaCe....sO iOnO....we'Re liKe sOrTa kiNDa tAkiN a bReAK...bUh thERe rEaLLy iSN'T mUcH diFfErENce kUZ iMe nOT aLLoWEd tO gO oHn dA fONe oR gO oHNLiNE aNyWAYz....bUh iE sNeAK oHn @ niTe wEN mAh dAd's aSLeEp sO iE cAN tAwK tO hiM....heHeHE....bUh iF hE cAn'T gEt fOcUsEd oHn hiS wOrK bKuZ oF mEEH...thEn i'LL giVe hiM dA sPaCe hE nEeDs.....[siGh]....hYsS nUmBa 1 pRiOriTy riGH nOw iSh sKoO eN iE fuLLy sUpPoRT hiM....aNyWaYZ....hAHaHa....iOnO...bUh iSH wEeRuD....aLbErt eN miChaEL wERe mAkiN fUn oF mEeH @ dA sAmE tiMe oHNLiNe....gRRRRR mAkiN fUn oF mEeH gEttiN wiFf gUyS...gRRRR nOOOOO nOT diS tiME!!! mY nEw yEAR's rEsOLuTiOn: mAKE mY rELaTiOnShiP wiFf rEeSe lASt....iT WILL lASt!!! x] kUz iMe sO iN lOvE wiTh hiM...iE lovE hiM!!!! x] <3 oNe loVe <3

2002-12-30T18:41:00.000-08:00

oMfGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.....sATuRdAY wUs dA bEsTuHsT/wOrStEsT dAy uFf mY liFE...SERIOUSLY.....omFG.....iE hAD dA bEsT tiMe wiFf rEeSE...weeH wATcHeD mAiD iN mAnHaTtAN [mAh sEcOnD tiMe...iSH mAH fAvE mOviE noW!!!]....eN iE jUsS hAD sOOOO mUcH fUn..eN iE wUs SOOOOOOOOOOOO haPpY x]....bUh thEN eVeRYthiN wUs rUiNeD aLL diS sHyTt hAPpEnEd...mAH moM sEd dAt sHE sAW mEeH eN REeSe kiSsiN eN hUgGiN...eN thEN sHE's lyKe...nO...iE cAN'T toLeRatE diS..yOU're oNLy 13! iE nEvEr diD thAT wEN iE wUs yoUR aGe...nO....dAt'LL oNLeE leAd tO oNe thYnG...eN iE cAN'T toLeRAtE sEeiN diS...eVeN thRU thEsE eARLy sTaGeS..u'LL eNd uP liKe yOuR siStEr wiFf a bAbY @ 18...nO...gO livE wiFf yOUR siStEr...u aRe nOT wELcoMe iN thE houSE aNyMoRE....wEeH dRoVe tO mAh siS's hOusE eN sHe taLkeD to mAh siS...eN thEN mAh siS toLd mEeH dAt iE hAD tO sTaY wiFf hER uNtiL wEeH caLLeD dAd...mAh dAd sEd iE sHouLd sPeND dA niGhT @ mAh siS's...sO wEeH wEnt hOMe tO piCK uP sOMe cLoTHEs...eN mAh mOM wUS sTyLL thERe...eN thEN sHe sTaRTed biTcHiN @ mEeH uHgEN...eN thEn b4 iE leFt iE sEd gOoDbYe tO mAH dAD...eN thEN hE's liKe....yOU'rE oNLy 13 aNd yOU'rE hOMeLeSs...eN thEN hE's liKe...iF yOoH wAnNa liVE hERe yOoH gOtTA liVe bY thE rULeS eN dO wUtEvER wEeH sAY...eN iE wUs lyKe FINE...eN thEn hE's liKe...gO tO yOUr rOOM...sO iE wENt...eN mAH siS fOLLowEd...eN thEN mAh mOM sHOWEd uP eN sED dA sAmE thiNgs aS mAh dAD whiCh piSseD mEeH oFf eVeN mORe...eN thEN oMfG...sHe wUs lyke...yOU wiLL NOT tALK tO rEeSE oR sEe hiM EVER aGaiN...oMfG....iE CAN'T bELiEvE sHe sEd dAt...iE knEw iE couLdn't uSe dA foNE oR compUteR eN shYtT eN iE cOuLdn't gO ouT...bUh sHe sEd iE cOULdn't taLk tO/sEe reEse EVER...iE jUsS coMpLeTeLY loST iT eN sTaRTeD cRyiN mAH aSs oFf iNtO mAh piLLoW...eN thEn mAh siS wUS thERe tO cOmfORt mEeH...eN sHe's likE...dUn wOrRY aBOUt iT...hE's jUsS a bOY...yOu'LL fOrGeT aBouT hYm...bUh sHE diDN't knO hOW mUcH wEeH lovE eAcH oThER....NO ONE knOWs....iE caLLeD rEeSE dAt niGHt...eN hE wUs jUss lyKe...nO no...dOn't cRy...dOn'T wOrRy...iMe hEre...i'LL aLwAYs bEeH hERe...i'LL ALWAYS lovE yoOH...dOn'T fORgET thaT...i'LL ALWAYS lovE yOoH...nO mAttEr wUdD...bUh iF yOuR mOm sAyS sO...thEN u gOtTA dO wUdD yOoH gOtTA dO...bUt i'LL beEh wAiTiN hErE fO yOoH....iE lovE yoU...[tEaR tEaR...iE wUs jUsS cryiN dA wHOLe tiMe]....gAwD....iE HAVE tO fiNd a wAY tO gET mAh mOM to leT mEeH sEe hiM uHgEn...iE HAVE tO...i LOVE him <3 oNe loVe <3

2002-12-27T22:29:00.000-08:00

oMfGGGGGGG oMg oMg oMGGGGGGGGG!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR......iE wUs SOOOOOOO wOrRiEd tODAY!!!! oMGGGG FIRST his cousin called me...geo NEVER calls me...and then he says that reese is missing...i was like....wTF....nawwww...en he's like.....yahhh he's been gone for like 5 hrs..en my grandma's cryin...en mah relatives are worried...and my uncle is driving around tryin to find him...i'm like....WTF...and then i heard reese in the background sayin......GEO y da hell you on my fone...en geo's like...reese is back...then reese is like...who's on the phone? geo's like...your gf..en then reese wus like...wth are you talkin to my gf...en then he picks up the fone en i wus like..hey..en he's like....ooo hey baby...y wus geo talkin to u...i wus like...iono..he called me and sed you were missin...en he's like...ooo that..yah...i was next-door talkin to a friend en then i went to the mall...en then he's like...damn my grandparents are all yellin at me...and i wus like....what did you do??....nothin......WHAT did you do?!?!...NOTHING! en then he's like....y are you yellin @ me?!!! i wus like...i'm NOT YELLING! en then he's like actin like a baby...sayin...y you yellin @ meeeee...en then i was like....UGHHHHH nvm...en then he's like...don't you just luv me? i was like...HA! [i snickered] en then he's like.....OOOO i SEE how it is..ime juss like....WHAT??? wudd da hell did I do now?! en he's like....ok...so you DON'T love me...i'm like...WAHT? NO!!! i love you!! en then he's like...here....talk to GEO...i'm like....wHAT?! then geo's like....y are you mad @ reese? i wus like....i'm not MAD!!!! and then geo gave it to their uncle and he wus like....i heard you en reese got into a fight...i'm like..WHAT? i'm not FIGHTING with him!!! en he's like....you're not mad? i wus like....NOOOOO!!! en then i asked what they were doin...en he told me...then he sed reese wus on the fone..and then his uncle wus like...o SHIT! i wus like....what? what happened? en he's like reese....i wus like....WHAT did he do NOW?!? he friggin jumped off the damn roof!!...i wus like...o shit...en his uncle en geo said...it was for you!!!! i was like..wtf.. en then reese FINALLY talks to me..en he's like....hey baby....i'm like....what...he's like.....i love you!!!! i'm like.....yah...i know....en he's like...you BETTER know!...i'm like....yes yes...i love you too...and then i wus like....i g2g...en he's like....call me? i wus lyke...of course..he's like....you BETTER....i love you!!! i wus like...love you....en he's like i love you! i love you!!! i'm like....BYEEE!!! i g2g!!!! BYEEEEE!!! en then i FINALLy hung up on him...i was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO fuckin scared/worried...omfg i was about to friggin CRY....GAWD!!!

2002-12-26T12:50:00.000-08:00

cHriStmAs wUs a bLaSt!!!! xCePt wEeH haD tO wAiT FOREVERRRRRR tO oPeN uP oUr giFtS....gRRRRRR mAH aUnT eN uNcLe cAMe SOOOOOO laTE....wEeH weRe gETTiN iMPaTieNt!!! gRRRRRRRR....bUh iSH okeE doKeE.....iE gOt gOoD giFtS...iE gOt....3 pAiRs uFf GLovEs...[THX GAWDDDD iE NEED theM!!! heHEhehe]...2 bAgS...loTs oF pErFuMe...2 pAiRs uFF sOcKs....2 sHuRtS...cAnDY...eN VERY LITTLE mOneY!!! wAHHHHHHH haAHHAHA isH okeE doKEe......bUh iE dUnT thYnK sAnTa gOT mAH leTtEr.....aLL iE wAntEd fOR cHriStmAs wUS tWooH bEeH wifF mAH bAyBEeH....[siGH]....[pOuTs]...<3 one love <3

2002-12-25T01:09:00.000-08:00

jUsS wEN iE thOUGHt woRst cAmE tO wOrST.......hE tUrNeD eVeRYthiNg aROuNd eN bRiGhTeNs mEeH uP liKe a bRiGhT sUnNY dAY...hE tUrNEd mAH fRoWn uPsiDe dOwN....aNd aLL bKuZ hE loVEs mEEH..........-=[siGh]=- iT fEeLs SOOOOOO gOoD tO knO thAt thE oNe iE lovE lovEs mEEH....[gRin]....iE caLLED hYm...eN iE diDn'T sAy mUcH...eN rEeSE KNOWS wEn sOmeThiNg's wRONg....sO hE kEPt aSkiNg...bAbY arE u oK???? u sUre???? iE thOUgHt hE wUs aCtiNg liKe nOthiNg hAPpEnEd...eN thEN hE sEd hUnNY dOn'T wOrRY...dON'T wOrRY yOUrSeLf.....i LOVE you!!! iE MEAN iT!!! dOn'T EVER fOrGeT thaT!!!! [mAh hEaRt wUs jUsS SWELLING...LITERALLY!]...iE wUs aBouT tO cRy wiFf tEaRs oF jOY jUsT bKuZ iE heAR hYm sAy thAT....x] iE diD hAfF a mErRY cHriStmAs eVe aFtERaLL...x].....o yeAH....b4 wEn iE tAwKeD tO hiM....wUS lyKe....iMe sOoo bOrEd.....iMe aLwAYz bOrEd wiFfoUT yOOH....iE miSS yOoH....iE wUs jUss lyKe...AWWWW!!!!!! hEHehehe i AM aLwaYz bOrEd wiFfoUT hYm!!! iE liVE fOr hYm...iE breAthE fOR hYm...i'D dO ANYTHING fOr hYm....aLL iE wAnT iSH tO sEe hYm hApPy...wUdD iE WISH iSh dAt hE's hApPy wiFf mEeH....x] iE loVe hiM!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS eVEryOnE!!!!! <3 oNe loVe <3

2002-12-24T21:51:00.000-08:00

***whats betta? a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?***
***DONT SAY YOU LOVE ME UNLESS U REALLY MEAN IT, CUZ I MIGHT DO SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE BELIEVE IT***
***No guy is worth your tears & when you find one that is, he won't make you cry. [NOT TRU!!!...or is it?]***
***If yOu ReAlLy LoVe SoMeThInG sEt iT fReE, iF iT cOmEs BaCk iT's YoUrS, iF iT dOeSn'T iT wAs NeVeR MeAnT tO Be***

cHRiStmAs eVE.....sUpPoSEd tO bEeH HAPPY eN CHEERFUL.....nOt fOR ME....oKeE....mAyBeEH dAt pARt abOuT mEeH bEiNg aBLe tO cOUNt oHn rEeSE iSHn'T sUcH a rEaLiTy aFtEr aLL......x/ hYss eX iMeD mEeH tOdAY eN seD dAt hE wUs chEaTiN oHn hER wiFf mEeH..daT hE wUs gOiN ouT wifF dA bOtH uFf uS...aFteR dAT sHe sEd sHe'D cALL hYm...aND liKE 20 miN. aFtER rEeSE caLLeD mEeH...eN hE asKEd iF iE taWKeD wiFf hEAthEr [hiS eX] eN iE sEd yAh...sHE iMeD mEEH...eN thEN rEeSE wUs lyKe.....wTf...dAMn iE dErnOz wUdD's gOiN oHn bTWN mEeH eN hER...eN iE wUs lyKe...iE dUnT thYnK iE WANNA knO....eN thEN reeSE wUS lyKe....iE dUn wANnA hUrT hEr...bUh iE dUnT wANNa hUrT yOoH...iE dErnOZ wUdD tO dO....kAThY iE lovE yOoH...nO mAtTEr wHat.....u kNOW thAT...eN thERe'S nOThiN thAT'LL cHANGe thAT...bUh iE loVE hER sTyLL....eN iE knO iSH nOT riGHt tO loVE 2 gUrLs @ oNcE bUh iE dO...aNd iE jUsS dErnOZ wUdD tO dO...dOn'T thYnK iMe dUmPiNg u kUZ iMe nOt...bUh wUtEvEr hAPpEnS...iF iT cOmEs dOwN tO iT...u'LL aLwAYZ bEeH thERe fOr mEeH eN i'LL aLWAYz bEeH theRe fOr yOOH...bUh iF iT cOMeS dOwN tO iT wHiCH iE dOuBt iT wiLL...yOoH'LL aLwAYz bEeH SECOND...[fUcKiN....]SECOND....bUh NEVER fOrGet iE wiLL ALWAYS lovE yOoH...fUcKiNaSs...iE KNEW thiS wUs gOnNa hAPpEn....!!! bUh iMe sUcH a fOoL iHn loVe dAT iE HAVE tO bELiEvE dAT oUr lovE wiLL bEEH sTrOngER thaN aNyThiNg...eN jUsS a whiLe aGo hE wUs taLKiN aBOuT hOW mUcH hE lovEd mEeH eN hOw mUcH hE miSsEd mEEh....bUh iMe sUcH a fOoL tO bELiEvE EVERYTHING iE heAr....eVeN iF iSh aLL a liE eN bS...bUh iE loVE hiM sOoO mUCH iE bLoCk oUT eVeRy pOsSibLe thYnG dAt cOuLd fALtEr oUr rELaTiOnshiP...bUh nOw iMe leFt tO cRy...iE loVE hiM...eN iE pRoMiSeD nOthiNg wouLd eVeR cOMe bTwN mY lovE fOr hYm...eVeN iF iT iS hiS eX...iE knO hE lovEs hEr...sO wUtEvEr hE dEciDeS...i'LL sUpPoRt hYm...nO mAtTEr wHAt...iE sHouLd lEt hYm gO....iE haVe b4 eN hE cAMe to mEeH....bUh iF iE leT hYm gO nOw....wHo knOes wUdD'LL hAPPeN....aLL iE knO iSh dAT iE lovE hiM bUh aLL iE cAN dO riGh nOw iSH cRy *~<3 oNe loVe <3~*
p.S. iMe sOrRy cHriS fOr nOt liStEniN...iE leT mY hEaRT gEt iN thE wAY...iME sOrRY

2002-12-23T15:10:00.000-08:00

thE bEsT thYnG aBouT bEiN iN mAH rELaTiOnshiP wiFf rEeSe iSH dA lovE wEeH sHarE...iE knO iE cAN aLwAyZ cOuNt oHn hYm tO bRiGhTeN uP mAH dArKeSt dAy...iE knO yOoH'rE oNLy sUpPoSEd tWoOH fALL iN tRu lovE oNce...bUh eVerYtiME iE heAr hYsS vOiCE iE fALL iHn loVE aLL ovEr uHgEN *~<3 oNe loVe <3~*

2002-12-21T21:37:00.000-08:00

WOW.........oMgGgGgG.........WOW......hEHEHehHE tOdAY wUs dA bEsTuHsT/wOrsT dAy eVa....wEnT tWoOH dA mALl tOdAY riGh.......mEt uP wiFf cHaNtAL eN mELiSSA bUh cHaNtaL wUs hELLa piSsEd oFf @ mEeH [dErNOZ wHy] sHO sHE eN mELiSsA diTcHeD mEeH wEN iE mEt mAH bAbY.....eNyWaYz...iE FINALLY gOt tWOoH sEe mAH bAyBeeH tOdAY!!! pUAhaHAhAh x] xP oMgGgg hE wUS loOkiN sHoOoOoo gOoD tOdAY....mMm!!! gOoD eNuFf tWoOH EAT...dAYuM....yUm yUm...*wiNk wiNk* heHehehE bUh gAWDDDDD iE wUs sHOOOOOOO hAPpeE wEN iE sAW hYm....hYsS fAcE liT uP eN iE hUgGED hYm tiGhT eN hE woULdn'T leT gHO uFf mEeH...iE diDN'T wANT hYm tOoH eiTheR...iE jUsS wAnTEd tWoOh sTaY lyKe dAT fOReVeRz...[siGh]...eNyWaYz...iE gAVe hYm hYsS giFt bUh hE diDN't oPeN iT yET..eN wEeH jUsS sTaRtEd wALkiN..hYsS hAnD aRounD mY wAiSt eN mY arM arOuNd hiS nEcK....[siGh]....wEeH wENt tWoOh pYrO sKate eN lOoKeD @ sOmE sNOwBoArDs...cUddLeD eN hUggEd eN kiSsEd...mMhMm!! wEnT tO dA diSnEY sToRE!!! hAHaHa [iMe sUpPoSED tO bUy mAH niEcE sOMEthiN...] bUh iE couLdn'T finD eNyThiN iN thERe sHo iE toLd rEESE tWOOH oPeN uP hYsS pREsEnT [a sTuFfED aNiMaL dUcKiE eN mAH wiNteR fORmAL piC] eN hE wUs lyKe...aWWWWW!!! tHx yOoH!!!! eN hE loOkEd @ mEeH wiFf hYsS gOrGeOUS bRoWn eYeS eN kiSsEd mEeH eN oOoOoOoH gOd iT fELt sHoOoooOOo gOoD tWoOH bEeH kiSsEd bY hiM....heHeHEhEhEhe...eVerYtiMe hE kiSsEd mEeH iE fELt sHOOOOOOOOO hAPpEe......iE wUs FLoAtiN hiGhEr thAN hEavEn......iE woULd aLwAyS hUgG hYm aFtEr...eN wEeH woULd NOT leT gHo...iE diDN't waNNa..! bUh gAwDDDDDDDDd iE wUs sHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hAPpEe......jUsS sEeiNg hYm mAdE mEeH sMiLe.....bUh dAmN....oUr pLaNs wEre rUiNed.....GRRRRRRRRR hE hAd tWOOH leAvE kUz hE wUs gOiN tWooH loNg bEacH tWOOH wATcH a hOcKey gAmE......eN hYss pAReNTs aSkEd mEeH iF iE cOULd gHO wiFf thEM kUZ thEY sEd tHEy'D bEeH thERe eN tHEy'D tAkE mEeH hOMe wEN iT wUs fiNiSHed...eN iE aSked mAH mOm eN sHe wouLdn'T leT meeH...daMniT.....gRrRrrRrRR.....sHo iE hAd tWoOh leAvE mAh bAyBeEH eN iT wUs hArD tWOOH sAY gOoDbYe.....gRrRrRrR....wEeH kiSsEd eAch oTHeR gOoDbYE....bUh thEN wEeH woULdn'T leT gHO......uNtiL wEeH rEaLlY HAD tWoOH gHO.....wEn yOU'rE iHn lOVE...iSh SHOOOOO haRd tWoOH sAY gOoDbYE....x/ iE gOT hOMe aROuNd 6...eN iE caLLED rEeSe eN wEeH kEpT tAwKiN...heHeHEhE sHOOOOOOO sWt.....eN vErY kYoOte tWooH..heHeHEHE hE wUs lyKe.....oMg kAthY yOu wEre loOkiN GOOD tOdaY!!! hAHahah [cRaCkiN uP riGh aBout nOw] hE wUS lyKe......u wEre loOkiN gOoD eNuFf tO eAT......MMMMMMM!!! laTEr oHn hE wUS lyKe....iE miSs yOoH sOOOOO MUcH.....wHErE wouLd iE bEEh wiFfout yOoH.....iE lovE yOoH sOOOoOoOO mUcH....iSh sHo hArD bEiNg wiFfOUT yOoH...i'D dOoH ANYTHING tO hoLd yOOH....tO kiSs yOu....iT feLt SOOOOOOO gOoD hoLdiNg yOoH tOdAY.........iT fELt bEtTEr tO kiSs yOoH..[aWWWWWWWWWW] iMe jUsS lyKe......oMg iE miSs yOoH sOOOOOOOO MuCH..........iE woULd dO ANYTHING tO sEe yOoH riGH nOw.....iE lovE yOoH sOOOOOOOO mUcH!!!! "Everyone says you only fall in love once but thats not true, everytime I hear your voice I fall in love all over again" iE lovE rEeSE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mUcH.....tHe wAY iE fEeL fOr hYm iE cAn'T dEsCriBe...iSH alMoST tOo iNtEnSe tO vERbALiZe...eSSeNtiALLy hE's aLL i'M liViNg fOR...aND bAsiCaLLy eACH dAY iE nEeD hYm mOre eN mORe...<3

2002-12-20T22:35:00.000-08:00

loVE iSh sTrAnGE...i'Ve sEd "iE lovE yOoH" tWOoH sOMe uFf mAH eXeS eN thEy sEd iT tWOoH mEeH..bUh iT wUSn'T REAL....wiFf rEeSE....eVeryThiNg's GENUINE...iE cAN hEaR iT iHn hYsS vOiCe...iE knOe hE tRuLy loVeS mEeH...hE sED sHo hYmSeLf...hE sEs sTuFF liKe....iE miSs yOoH sOoOo mUcH....liKe dA eArLY sUn, iE mYsS yOoH eVerY dAY aNd eVeRY niGHt....i'D dOoH aNyThiNg tWoOh hAvE yOoH iHn mY aRmS riGh nOW....wEn i'M wiTh yOoH, eVeRYthiNg's jUsS pErfEcT eN iE nEvER wAnNA leT yOoH gHO...wEeH eVeN tAWKeD aBoUt oUr fUtUrE....hE sEd hE wAnTed tWOoH bEeH a dAddY...[nOt nOw uFf cOurSe...] eN hE wUs lyKe...iE wAnnA wATcH hiM [hE wAnTed a bOy] gRoW uP eN iE wAnT hYm tWooH bEeH lyKe mEeH...eN thEN hE's lyKe...iE dUn rEaLLy lyKe tWOoH tAwK aBOUT dA fUtuRE eN mAiK pLaNs kuZ sOmEthYnG aLwAyS gOeS wRoNg...eN theN hE sEd dAT hE diDn'T lyKe sAyiN sTuFf lyKE "FOREVER" bUh hE eNdS uP sAyiN iT aNyWaYs kUZ iSH hOw hE tRuLY fEeLs...aNd thEN hE gOES ohN sAYiN hOw wEeH weRe gOnNa lAst loNg...mAyBEeH eVeN fOreVeR....eN hE knOeS dAT eVeR siNcE iE laiD eYeS oHn hYm iE pRoMisED hYm i'D lovE hYm aLwAYS eN fOreVer...iE loVe hYm sOoOoOoO mUcH...iE cAN'T eVeN dEsCriBe iT....iSH jUsS lyKe...evEryTiMe iE tAwK tWoOh hYm, iE fEeL cOmFoRt eN sEcuRiTY, eN iE knOe hYsS fEeliNgs aBouT mEeH kUZ iE cAN hEaR iT iHn hYsS vOiCe...iE cAn'T stOp thYNKiN aBouT hYm 24/7...hE's aLwAYs oHn mAH miNd...wEN iE wAkE uP...wEN iE gHO twOOH sLeEP...wEn iE dReaM...i'D dOoH aNyThiNg tWoOh hAvE hYm iHn mY aRmS...tO kiSs hYm...tO hUg hYm...tO hoLd hYm...jUsS tWOOH sEe hYm...i'D wAiT fOrEvEr jUsS tWoOh sEe hYm oNcE mOre....eN wEN iE sEe hYm....mY sMiLe wiDeNS eN mAH kNeeS sTaRt tWoOH bUcKLe...eVeRy tOuCH sEnDs sHiVeRs dOwN mY sPiNe...eVeRy whiSpEr fiLLs mAH hEaRt wiFf hAPpiNeSs...eVerY hUg wArMs mY bOdY eN sOuL...eVeRY kiSs mAkEs mEeH fALL dEePeR iN luV....iSH hYsS tYpE dAsS oNLeE iHn mY dReAmZ...hE's jUsS pErFeCt iHn eVeRy wAy....eN iT wUs a dReAm cOmE tRu wEN iE mEt hYm....hE's dA bEsT thYnG dAsS eVeR hAPpEnEd tWOoH mEeH eN iE nEvEr wANnA loOz hYm..."eACH miNuTe iE sPeNd wiFf hYm bRiGhTEnS mY sMiLe, eVerY wOrD hE sPEaKs mAkES mAH liFe mORe wOrTHwiLE, eVerY kiSs we hAVE i'LL cHeriSH fOReVeR, eVerY mOmeNt iMe hAPpY iSH kUZ wE'rE tOgEThER"....hE hAS cApTuREd mY eYe, hE hAs oPeNeD mY miNd, hE hAs sToLeN mY hEARt...eN iSh bKuZ uFf hYm dAt iE liVe eN wiFfoUt hYm iHn mAh lyFe, iMe nOthiN aT aLL